Things You've Said to Your Girlfriend/Wife...

[ThePixelGuru]

...and not had to sleep on the couch for. That's right, here's a topic for you to tell us about those things that you said to your girlfriend or wife and had her not get ****ed. Well, not too ****ed. I'll start. :D

Setup: She was complaining about her hair or asking me about her outfit or something.
Me: Do I look like a fat slob?
Her: ...No.
Me: Funny, it must be something about the presence of a ***** that lets a person manage his appearance without running his ****ing mouth about it.

She laughed in that cute way she does when she can't tell whether she wants to beat the **** out of me or **** me. Awesome.

Well, let's hear 'em, fellas!

[sepplainer]

I still laugh about this...

at the counter of the hobbie store about 10 years ago

Clerk-You need a bag?
Me- No I brought her with me.

About 3 years later she called me a ******* for that.

[snoopay700]

I still laugh about this...

at the counter of the hobbie store about 10 years ago

Clerk-You need a bag?
Me- No I brought her with me.

About 3 years later she called me a ******* for that.

Reminds me of chappelle's stand up when he said that women bring up stuff in fights, like calling you a premature...

i'll censor it for now.

[ThePixelGuru]

I still laugh about this...

at the counter of the hobbie store about 10 years ago

Clerk-You need a bag?
Me- No I brought her with me.

About 3 years later she called me a ******* for that.
:thatfunny: I think I'm gonna have to say that next time we're at a store. It would be so worth sleeping on the couch...

[robnix]

Her: How do these jeans look?
Me: If you have to ask me, then you already know the answer.

Me: You're banned from Costco.

[sepplainer]

:thatfunny: I think I'm gonna have to say that next time we're at a store. It would be so worth sleeping on the couch...

I swear to god the look on the guys face was priceless. Wife, she laughed it off...but then I learned a hard truth about women.
BTW we had been married about 2 weeks when I said that.

[altimas]

My wife wouldn't stop fidgeting in the bed so I grabbed her hand and acted like I was going to kiss it and said, "Eww your hand smells funny!" When she smelled it I smacked her hand and she hit herself in the nose...

I laughed for like 30 Minutes while she beat me with the pillow...
She still flushes the toilet EVERY morning when I am in the shower now... :wall:

[BigEvil]

This is a chick I used to date...

We are food shopping in a supermarket near her house. Im pushing the wagon, when all of a sudden she yells out "YOU HAVE TO STOP BEATING ME AND THE KIDS!!" and storms away

Me,without missing a note, yell back "WELL IF I CATCH YOU IN BED WITH ANOTHER WOMAN AGAIN I WILL BEAT YOU WORST"



Needless to say, I the relationship didnt work out.

[TnDeathInc]

quote form myself, "you want me to stick that where?":banana:

[El Torofuerte]

quoted a line from a movie, to my gf at the time: "I know its pretty, but i didnt take it out for air." Yeah didnt get any that night :(

[txaggie08]

BTW we had been married about 2 weeks when I said that.

http://img111.imageshack.us/img111/4213/startrekworffrustrationwm8.gif

[Pillage]

I tell my wife all the time I am surrounded by *****es, as I have her and two daughters. I then go on to say she is ***** one, my oldest daughter is the min-*****, and my youngest is the mini-mini *****. I always get an evil stare when I say this.

[Dark Side]

I woke up this orning to my alram clock. I get up and turn it off, give me wife a kiss and start to head to the shower so I can get to work.

She tells me that she hates me having an alarm clock more than she would hate me having a mistress. (I have no idea where it came from). So, I say "Alright then, I'll get a mistress and as long as I still have the clock, every thing will be ok". She retorts "No, retire and get rid of that clock; then you can have a mistress".

I had no idea how far I could have pushed that one and still been able to sleep in the same bed.